The Final Countdown

I'm in the home stretch.  According to my varied due dates, I'm either 40+1 (40 weeks, 1 day) or 41 weeks.  Since I had a medically necessary c/s with my son at 38 weeks, this is a completely new experience.  The anticipation of waiting on baby to make his or her arrival is exciting, nerve-wracking, emotional, and physically taxing all at the same time.

There have been moments in the past few days where my two year old will throw himself on the ground kicking and screaming - a lot of the times I have no clue what in the world set him off - and due to the much beloved pregnancy hip pain, I can hardly move and I just stare at him in disbelief.   Soon, I find myself doing the same thing in my heart about all sorts of things.  Funny how a 2 year old's tantrum can cause a 31 year old to have her own.



I was very frustrated about something this morning.  I had a plan and I was not getting my way.  Sulking, pouting, and meditating on "woe is me" is what my very pregnant, very hormonal self wanted to do and God instantly tugged my heart strings.  He told me that He knows best, that He is in control, and that I could talk to Him.  He reminded me that HE is God, and I am not.  He is to be trusted, not questioned.  As I carefully applied my makeup and curled my hair (the only two things I can't outgrow in this pregnancy), I thought more about the Truths He spoke to my heart and found that black cloud lifting.  And that's all I need for right now.  I don't have to worry about how my crazy self will cope with tomorrow's challenges.  God gives us our DAILY bread.

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And as each days draws closer to another exciting life change, the fears I had before Cash came into the world are re-surfacing with #2.

What if we don't bond?
How can I possibly love another baby like I love Cash?
Will I love one more than the other?
Will Cash flip out when he realizes this baby is never going to leave?
What will labor feel like?
Will I be physically strong or weak?
Will I be mentally strong or weak?
Will I ever wear normal jeans again?
What kind of shoes should I buy this winter since I only have flip flops?
Will I struggle with baby blues again?
Will I ever have time to learn how to sew or play guitar?
How am I going to manage a nursling and a toddler?
How am I going to manage/nurture a nursling, toddler, husband, home, kitchen, and business?
How am I going to make time for friendships and my relationship with God?
Will my house ever stay clean?

And again I'm reminded that God will meet my needs day by day.  What is true is that I can't do anything on my own.  GOD will empower me and give me grace day by day.