The Birth Story of Cash Ryan

October 11th

Baby Eve

My good intentions to relax and enjoy my last day of pregnancy resulted in a full day of work errands.  Cash was kicking strong in my belly all day and I thought about how much I would miss that sensation of my sweet baby moving inside of me. We stopped by our Bible study where our friends prayed for us and gave us a wooden box filled with encouraging scripture verses.  Jt and I ended the night with the much-anticipated Vice Presidential election around midnight.  So much for soaking in our last full night of sleep. ;)

October 12th

Baby Day

I woke up with a lot of fear, more fear than excitement, to be honest.  I was overwhelmed with the fear of parenting, of how I'd bond with the baby, of the pain that might accompany the c-section, of lying on the operating table, of how our lives were about to change forever, of how I didn't have a clue how to care for a newborn.   Our instructions were to call in at 7am to see if the doctors were on schedule for my 10:30am C-section.   "The nurse has requested you check back in at 8am," they said.  I was anxious, wondering if this would set back the c-section.   I think Cash knew this was a big day because his movements were so strong. I also made sure to apply my makeup with a more careful hand and curl my hair just so.  Did it really matter since I was going to be laid out in a hospital gown all day?  Yes, because I was going to meet my son!  This was a special day that called for my best.  Though he wouldn't remember what Mommy looked like, he'd know that I really wanted to meet him and considered it a very special day indeed!  We called in again at 8am.  "Okay, come on down," they said.  Jt and I hurriedly gathered our bags and made our way to the hospital.  Jt was so happy.  He couldn't wait to meet Cash.  I could wait, however.  Fear was trumping my excitement.

We got to the hospital and checked in at Labor and Delivery.  The nurses and doctors were all having a great morning as they talked about the day's deliveries.  I could see a chart listing all the laboring women and their progress.  Tears started to stream down my face and a lump suddenly appeared in my throat.  The hugeness of the day finally met my heart.  I rubbed my belly and held back my emotions.  I kept thinking about those feet that kept kicking their way outside of my belly and how I'd soon get to kiss those little toes.



The nurses wasted no time in offering me my very trendy green hospital gown and asking me to pee in a cup AGAIN.  Only, this time, I totally forgot!  They hooked me up to a few IV's and I lay there waiting.  10:30am came and went.  Each doctor and nurse that came in to talk to me about the procedure would tell me that we were getting closer to the OR, but a few c-sections were ahead of me.  Every time I'd ask them, "Should I be nervous now or in 45 minutes?  What's my timeframe?"  My family came back to talk to and pray for us.  My good friend Katie (bless her soul, she had a 4 day natural labor that finally progressed and ended with an epidural and a beautiful little girl) came to see us and brought extra special Clemson and rock star cake pops (since Cash is going to be our little musician).  These visits were a great distraction and it was encouraging to have the prayers and texts from so many.  As my sister rubbed my feet, I popped in my headphones and listened to Hidden in My Heart Scripture Lullabies for a little bit.  Prayer and music was JUST what I needed to calm my nerves, and my husband's hand in mine was a sweet comfort.

Rockstar and Clemson cake pops.  Mmm.

Me and Katie

My mom and sisters

We met the surgeon and she was an answer to prayer.  Her easygoing and upbeat spirit was incredibly reassuring.  She had a c-section with her first and a VBAC with her second, so she understood well my concerns for how this surgery would go and how important the closing stitches were to our future family planning.  (A conservative opening/closure on the uterus itself would mean I could attempt vaginal deliveries in the future.  A more liberal opening/closure would mean c-sections would be the only safe and healthy possible delivery option down the road.)

Just the two of us

Then it was time.  The nurse walked me back to the operating room.  As the door opened, I took note of how clean, cold and blue it seemed.  Was I on a medical tv show like Grey's Anatomy or was this really happening?  I sat on the operating table and was given instructions to lean forward as they opened up the back of my gown and began pricking my spine with a local anesthetic and then began searching for the best place for the spinal.  This was the one procedure I was most fearful of!  I leaned into the nurse who was holding my arms offering me support.  With every deep breath and pinch on my back, tears fell down my face.  I was scared, happy, fearful, and nervous about everything that was colliding in the next 30 minutes - medical, physical, emotional, and relational.  The nurses helped me lay down on the table and before I knew it, I began losing feeling from my feet up to my neck.  There was a moment of panic at not being able to control my body at all.  I also lost the ability to feel my lungs taking in air and asked for an oxygen mask.  They explained that I was breathing, I just couldn't feel it, but they gave me a mask anyway.  Once they hung the curtain, I was oblivious as to what happened beyond that which is a good thing.  I never knew that I got a shot in the leg and didn't notice the catheter until many hours later.  I took deep breaths and somehow got in to some state of calm.  Jt came in outfitted in blue scrubs and whipped out his phone to play music for me.  The tone in the operating room was one of a joyous liveliness.  The nurses and doctors were all upbeat and lighthearted which brought comfort to me.  It was also nice to know that my anesthesiologist was prepared to give me drugs that would make me feel like I just had a glass of wine if I needed it.

We heard the doctor say,"Start," and we knew that it was only a matter of minutes before we'd see our little boy!  Jt and I made small talk with each other and the nurses.  He prodded me to sing for them to which they said it would be a YouTube hit because no one had ever sung during a c-section before.  So I started singing "Happy Birthday" to little Cash man, but tears choked me up and I couldn't finish.  I began feeling a lot of pulling, pushing, and tugging - a lot of pressure - so I asked Jt to stop the music and start recording.  Normally pretty queasy about that kind of stuff, he watched and filmed a lot of the c-section.  Overcome with emotion, tears streamed down my face as we heard Cash use his voice for the very first time.  They rushed him over to the baby bed as they wiped him off.   I turned my head and saw how much he was struggling to take big breaths.  His lungs were taking in huge breaths and I could see his little body laboring to get the oxygen in between his cries.  He had wavy hair and his skin was really, really white.   Jt got to cut the umbilical cord which was a nice surprise.  We didn't think he'd be able to do that.  They wrapped him in a blanket, held him up to my face for a picture and his first kisses, and rushed down to the NICU with Jt following closely behind.

First family photo

                                             
What I didn't know at the time was that Cash had taken in such a powerful first breath that he punctured both lungs, also known as pneumothorax.  An air pocket surrounded his heart and the other air pocket was on his right side.  

After Jt and the nurses left the OR, my anesthesiologist went above and beyond his responsibilities and quickly grabbed his phone.  He put on a classical station from Pandora and a student nurse held my hand and talked to me all about family.  They were all so wonderful.  I even began to chat with the surgeons from my side of the curtain.  "What kind of incision did you have to do on my uterus?"  This answer right here would determine our future family goals.  "I was able to do the conservative stitch so you can try VBAC next time!"  Oh, what a relief that was to my ears.  And then naturally, I asked how long she'd recommend waiting to get pregnant with #2.  (Who does that before you are even stitched up from #1 anyway?)  She recommended not delivering baby #2 until 18 months to 2 years from now.  And before I knew it, we were all finished and they transported me to a new bed.  Before wheeling me back to recovery, the nurses gave me some gloves and I got to inspect that durn placenta that so resolutely held it's inconvenient position.  It was still warm!  Weird!  And it was HUGE! I got to see the sack that held my little man safely for 9 1/2 months.  (Aren't you glad I don't have a picture of THAT?)   I mean the complexity of how God designed a woman's body to grow and birth babies is absolutely incredible!

I was wheeled back to recovery for a few hours.  I could see Cash in the NICU as soon as I regained feeling in my hips.  As my family and I were chatting, a great surprise walked into my recovery room.  Jt's good friends, Ed & Julie, who live in SC with their three kids, flew 2,500 miles for a weekend getaway and to meet our little guy.  I was floored and knew that Jt would be so excited to see them!  That they would travel that far was so special to both of us!  Jt called me on Facetime while I lay in recovery.  I got to see our little man sleeping so sweetly and was eager to go meet him.

Daddy was glowing. :)

Poor baby had to wear a huge iv and was dressed in cords and monitors.

  Finally after a few hours, I was able to move my legs enough and they wheeled my bed down to the NICU.  I'm really glad our photographer was there to capture the first moments because they are fading from my memory so quickly.  I remember thinking," Where in the world did your wavy hair come from?"  I tried to take in all of him.  Due to the nurses shift change, I didn't get to spend much time with Cash.  I was able to return once more that night in a wheelchair for our first nursing attempt.  To my great surprise, he latched on really easily & I was just in awe that I was his momma and he was my boy!  Jt spent all of that night in the NICU.  It was too much work and extremely uncomfortable to load me, my IV's and "purse" (aka the catheter bag) on to the wheelchair for a visit every few hours, so Jt watched and held him all night.  He was so overtaken by love for Cash.  His voice instantly comforted little man when he was upset in NICU.  I, on the other hand, still felt disconnected due to my being in recovery for so long.  Thankfully, the next day changed all of that!

Holding Cash for the first time.

Happy family of three

Funny of the Day
My mom was trying to log in to her hotmail email at the hospital and was growing frustrated with her disobedient computer.  "Jt, can you help me?  I can't log in to my email."  Justin took one look at her wifi, realized it was connected, and the problem was merely a simple typo.  My Jesus-loving, conservative, and proper momma had been trying to log in to "ho-mail" quite unsuccessfully.

For you:
1. A slideshow of Cash Ryan photos
2. The actual c-section video below